By Erica Wiggins
In Melissa Bond’s memoir, the journalist and poet describes her journey through addiction to benzodiazepines. A mother to two young children, Bond suffers from terrible insomnia, compounded by losing her job as a magazine editor and the fact that she is growing apart from her husband. She visits her physician and is prescribed a benzodiazepine to help her sleep. Bond takes these pills each night, and as her insomnia continues, her physician increases them until her body starts to fail. Only then does she learn the dangers of taking and stopping this medication.
“The blood orange night turns red and screams through my eyes. The room tilts around me. Consciousness shuts again. Velveteen black. Silence. Time stretches and disappears.”
Bond describes her journey in an open, honest, and accessible way. The story starts off with the birth of her son, born with Down syndrome, followed by a quick second pregnancy with her daughter. This is when Bond first begins having trouble sleeping. After many sleepless nights she sees her doctor, putting her trust in medical professionals the way that many of us do.
I found myself putting this book down and thinking about what I just read, picking it back up and re-reading sentences and paragraphs. Bond drops you into her life. You walk alongside her in her sleepless nights, her fatigue and brain fog. Even just reading about the effects that benzodiazepines can have is completely terrifying. She takes her journey and uses it to shine a light on this family of drugs and what can happen from taking them.
“Among benzodiazepines, Ativan has a relatively high physical addiction potential and is recommended for short-term use, up to two to four weeks only.”
“I’ve been taking Ativan every night for over a year and a half.”
This is such an important topic because these medications are prescribed often, and the serious potential side effects are not well communicated. While this is a memoir of Bond’s journey, she uses the opportunity to teach her readers about this class of drugs, its effects, and how it can be misused. She describes the risk of addiction, the effects of withdrawal, and the difficulty in stopping this medication. She explains her journey of decreasing her dose over time, which can and often does take months, even years. She creates a glimpse into this world, vividly describing losing feeling in her leg, having no energy, experiencing strange smells, and generally feeling unwell. While we are focussing on her journey, there is no choice but to also describe how it affected her relationship with her husband and children, as well as her extended family, who had difficulty understanding this struggle.
It feels hard to describe this book in a way that does it justice. Bond shows vulnerability describing her lowest moments and a strength and resiliency that is admirable. She not only struggled through this journey but also made it public by publishing her story with a goal to spread awareness.
While this story is difficult at times to read, it is so worth it. Thought-provoking and moving, it will leave you better informed and more open to discussing this topic. I would recommend it to anyone who has dealt with addiction or who just wants to learn more. This book will leave you with renewed hope that with more information we can safely use these medications for their intended use.
Thank you to Simon & Schuster Canada for the complimentary copy in exchange for an honest review.