By Caprice Hogg
Hope Edelman’s The AfterGrief will help anyone who has experienced grief or loss. The author did extensive research and interviewed people who have suffered all types of grief. She published their stories along with her own story of loss after her mother passed away from breast cancer when Edelman was only a teenager. While I could not personally relate to many of these stories, it was helpful to read about others and to better understand their process of healing. When some of us are paralyzed by grief, it can helps to know that we are not alone. The book offers ways to not “let go” of your grief, but to find ways of living with it. “Grief can only be supported. It cannot be fixed.” She speaks of the importance of talking about your loss and sharing your story in order for healing to occur.
Edelman differentiates between new grief and after grief and explains that time does indeed change our experience. Very little information has been written about the “after grief”—the period that follows the initial grieving process. This book gives people a way to deal with their pain long after their loss has occurred. The after grief can hit at times that are least expected and our emotions can be overwhelming.
Edelman asks questions such as “how do we allow a major loss in the past to inform us, to guide us, even to inspire us, without letting it consume our identity?” Her answer: “We decentralize it. We wait and watch and allow for other life experiences to accumulate over the long arc. We actively search for meaning.” This book gives hope to those who are suffering.
Grief does not go away. It does not heal itself, but with time and effort, it can be less of a burden. Our grief can eventually turn into something beautiful, something precious. It takes tremendous effort, but it can be done. Meaning can be found, and while the loss will always be present, there are ways that we can honour those who have passed on by turning our pain into something that brings value to our lives. It can be a difficult process to revisit those memories and especially our most painful moments, but the result will allow us to experience joy and happiness in our life again. This part of the process can only happen in time, and it cannot be rushed.
I highly recommend The AfterGrief to anyone who has experienced loss or trauma. It helps to put the pain we feel into a new perspective. It gives the reader a sense that we are not alone in our pain, and it also gives us hope. There are techniques we can do to help ourselves get through grief and look forward to feeling joy again.
Thank you, Penguin Random House Canada, for the complimentary copy in exchange for an honest review.