By Christa Sampson
Content warning: addiction, self harm, child physical and sexual abuse, suicidal ideation
Terri White is a writer and magazine editor from the UK. Coming Undone is her memoir detailing a very difficult childhood, which she tries to leave behind by building a career that will catapult her into a new life. After working her way up the ranks in London, White eventually lands a dream job with a major magazine in New York. Here, she assumes her life will finally turn around. Unfortunately, the exact opposite happens. All of the trauma White experienced during her formative years, which she never had the opportunity to properly deal with, comes flooding back at a time when she is the most vulnerable she has possibly ever been.
I enjoy reading memoir, especially when the author is already a writer. White takes this memoir to another level because it reads like fiction. The harsh realities of an abusive and lonely childhood and the difficulties she continued to face into adulthood are written with such realness that you can’t help but be immersed. I was myself, but I found that despite the exceptional writing, the subject matter made it a difficult read and one that you have to be prepared for. As noted at the beginning of this review, there are various content warnings for this text, so it’s definitely not for everyone. It is a gritty read, similar to Wild by Cheryl Strayed, so if you’re a fan of that book, Coming Undone may be a good one for you to pick up. I’m not one to shy away from a difficult read, but as is the case with this book, the subject matter takes a toll on your emotions. For that reason, this is not a book that, in my opinion, can be quickly read or easily absorbed.
Throughout the book, White unapologetically describes her struggle with addiction in such a way that puts the reader in a place of being able to understand it, even if they can’t identify with it. Each chapter weighed heavy on my heart, and I just kept wondering: how is she going to recover? Most of her problems with addiction take place in New York City, a place where she thought she’d make a real name for herself. While she excelled professionally, the city was a drain on her personal life. New York became a secondary character, and White’s metaphorical adversary. There is a constant push and pull between White and the toll that living in New York takes on her. This is a very unique perspective; every other time I’ve read or watched something that takes place in New York, the city is romanticized. If you’re looking for that in this memoir, you won’t find it.
For me, the ending of the story is a bit abrupt. Personally, I was expecting everything to be tied up neatly, but in retrospect I don’t think that’s what White was trying to achieve in writing this memoir. The poetic imagery of the ending is superb, and I assume the conclusion was more about White figuring out where she needed to be in a big picture sort of way, and not homing in on one aspect of her life. Overall, this is a beautifully crafted memoir. The subject matter may be hard but pushing your reading boundaries can sometimes yield an unexpected reward.
Thank you to PGC Books for the complimentary copy in exchange for an honest review!